Thursday, November 8, 2007

The Top-10 Favorite Phrases of the Emotionally Constipated

10. Best friend? I don't like to think in those terms.
(Translation: I am secretly in love with my best friend).

9. I like to compartmentalize people, doesn't everyone?
(Translation: I will never, ever, ever let you in).

8. Don't you think you should reconsider whether it really isn't all your fault?
(Translation: I blame myself for other people's neuroses).

7. Once I got over him five years ago, I never thought of him again, the looser...
(Translation: I have no clue about my own neuroses).

6. No, really, I'm over it.
(Translation: I am so not over it).

5. I love separate vacations.
(Translation: Well, from you).

4. I'll deal with it in my own time.
(Translation: I will be dragged to my grave with fingernails clawing into the earth just so that I don't ever have to deal with it).

3. I know everyone thinks 12-step is a big cult...
(Translation: I am about to use 12-step to justify being a looser to you).

2. I know you're unhappy, but I'm so tired of hearing about your life.
(Translation: Can we talk about me, now?).

And finally, the #1, favorite phrase of the emotionally constipated...

1. I already told you I loved you once today, you know the rule.
(Translation: None needed).